The Power to Change

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet and work with many people to help them change and improve their lives. As a tech executive, I have worked with scores of people to help them improve their influence and make the next step in their career. As a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu coach, I have worked with many to help them change many aspects of their lives including losing weight, improving self-confidence, increasing strength and muscle mass, and changing their mindset. In a volunteer capacity, I have worked with hundreds of youth and adults to help them develop life skills, overcome challenges, and have hope. Working with so many people has been a wonderful blessing- there is little more rewarding than seeing someone make wonderful changes in their lives and the profound impact it has for good. It has also taught me important patterns on why some succeed, and others fail in making change. This article will outline four aspects I have seen successful people employ when wanting to transform themselves. This might be the bluntest article I have written, however, I write it to help others and be honest about what I have seen over the years in helping others improve.

First, let me be clear, making change to improve oneself is hard. Often there are years of habits to break. There are people in one’s life that may not want them to make positive change (yes, unfortunately there are people in everyone’s life that what to hold you back and down. You need to learn how to recognize these people and limit your interactions with them), and there are forces that will fight against you every step of the way, trying to prevent you from succeeding in making the needed change. This is why so many people fail in making the changes they want to make. This is why so many people fail in their New Year’s Resolutions. In fact, the 2^nd Friday in January is called Quitters Day because this is the day people quit their New Years Resolutions.

Often people know change is hard, and they are afraid to do it. However, what is interesting is change is all around us, whether we want it or not. We change EVERY DAY! For example, our cells change and transform every day; they age and die. The food we eat causes change for the positive or negative in our bodies every day. Every decision we make introduces some type of change. Since we are changing daily, doesn’t it make sense to help direct this change to the outcomes we want? To ways that will make us better?

So why do some people succeed with positive change and others fail? Let me share with you what I have seen from those who have been successful.

First, people who succeed in making positive change all realize they need to make a change, and this realization comes from within. They realize the path they are going is not the one they had intended for themselves, and they are honest with themselves that they need to make a change and that only they have the power to make this first step. In other words, the desire to make the change is deep and painful that it compels them to change. Many of the greatest athletes have experienced this. For Michael Jordan, it was when he didn’t make the High School basketball team. He realized he needed to change and never wanted to not make any team again. For Kobe Bryant, it was his rookie year in the NBA. In the playoffs, he airballed a 3-pointer in front of millions. Kobe realized he needed to change and never again would he airball a shot. This led Kobe to have what many have called the Black Mamba Mentality and Kobe became the hardest working person in the NBA. This realization and desire cannot come from outside. I have known countless people who were told by a doctor that unless they changed their lifestyle of quitting certain habits, they would die. However, because this didn’t come from within, they never made the needed change.

The second thing successful people do in making the change they want is they act! And they act now! They make the steps needed to move towards the change they want to make, and they make a plan. They don’t wait! They don’t wait for the right time to happen. They don’t wait until they have the knowledge they need. They don’t wait for the stars to align, THEY ACT! And they ACT NOW! If you wait for certain things to happen or line-up before you make change, you will be waiting forever. I have met countless people that came to me wanting to make change. They all had their reasons for wanting to make the change. Most were: they wanted to lose weight; they wanted to be able to do physical actives with their kids; they wanted to set a good example for their family; they know the path they are on is not healthy. The reasons go on and on. As I met with them and outline what they need to do to make the change, those who are not serious always had an excuse to not make the change. They say they want to make a change, but when the rubber hits the road, they do not want to act. They want an easy way. NOTHING IN LIFE WORTH HAVING IS EASY! NOTHING! The most common excuses I hear from people on why they cannot make the change are: “I don’t have time”, or “I can’t financially do this”. All of these “reasons” are just excuses. In reality, the individual isn’t committed, and they really don’t want to make a change. They say they want to make a change, but in reality, they are happy deep inside with the status quo. The interesting thing is no one has time and if you wait for the right time, you will never find it. If you want something bad enough; if something is important enough to you, you make time. Let me repeat that, you make time. In my early 20’s I realized if I wanted to hit my goals and be the person I envisioned myself to be, I had to make the time. I was newly married; my wife was going to school. I was going to school, and I was working fulltime. I had to wake up at 4:30am or 5am to workout. I wanted to earn my black belt in BJJ and I would go to three classes a week at night. Every time, right before class, I was tired physically and mentally. I wanted to go to bed or sit on the couch. But I got myself up and went to class. Every time, I left great about going and never regretted it. The times I didn’t go, I felt regret and I told myself I do not want to have a life filled with regret. This was something I knew I could control. The interesting thing is as I got older and had children, my schedule became even busier, and time was even more constrained. However, I still made the time for my goals. I had to make the time. This meant I sacrificed other things. I stopped watching TV, I was very deliberate with my schedule and only allowed things that were of most importance. I eliminated everything else. Many of the things I eliminated were good things, because I was only focusing and spending my time on the best things. All people who are successful realize this and make the time. For those who say they cannot financially make the commitment, I usually chuckle at this one. Why? I used to point out that they spend more money daily on their energy drinks that are slowly killing them. Or more money going out to eat and any other habit that is holding them back. Yet they spend the money on these things without thinking. If they really were serious about making the needed change, they would find a way to have the money. When I was young, living in SoCal, things were expensive. Jiu Jitsu classes were $120 a month. As a newlywed, this was a lot of money. However, we canceled cable TV and some other things, and I picked up a side gig to bring in some extra money. Why did I do this? Because being able to protect my family and earn my black belt was more important to me and I was willing to make the sacrifices needed. Lastly, if you think about it, any money you spend to improve your body and mind is like making an investment in yourself. Many of the people who say they can’t financially do the needed change, are living in a way that in 10 years they will have major medical problems. What will be more expense, spending what may be a dollar a day now to prevent any medical issues, or the medical bills, pills, insurance, etc.. that will come from ones current lifestyle? Successful people act now and make the change they want to make. They will not have all the knowledge and know exactly what to do and will make mistakes, however, they quickly learn, adjust and continue to act.

The third thing successful people have in making the change they want to make is they are consistent and persistent. I don’t know why, but it seems like every time someone wants to make a positive change, that they start strong, but then something happens. Some outside force comes and puts a roadblock in the way. If allowed this roadblock can derail the change. This happens every time. Additionally, as they move forward there is a period where if feels like they are making two steps forward and taking one backward or taking one step forward and two backward and this can be defeating. However, successful people know this and continue to move forward. For some reason, as people we think positive change is like an upward graph, always moving upward to the top right. However, I have found that positive change is more like stock market, there are ups and a lot of downs. However, in the end, if you persist, you come out way ahead. When you determine to make the needed change, stick with it. Know there will be ups and downs, however, the most important is to show up, be consistent and never stop.

The final thing successful people do with change is they make plan adjustments and improvements along the way. They are never static. They act and during their journey, they realize that something might not be working as planned. They analyze this, make small adjustments and then move forward. They don’t stop or say it isn’t working and throw their plan out; they make minor adjustments and move forward. Imagine a football team that learns a new offensive play. They execute the play the first time in a live game, and it fails. Does the team throw out the play? No, they make small adjustments and execute it again. Over time, after executing the play and being successful with it, other teams adjust and counter your play, and you aren’t as successful as you once were. Does the football team kill the play? No, they make more minor adjustments and then execute it again. This is what successful people do; they adjust and adjust again always improving along the way. These adjustments are large and often small, but over time they add up and the result is nothing short of astonishing. In summary, change is all around us. We change every day. Successful people realize this and do not fight it, instead they channel the change to help them improve and they persist and are consistent. This change to improve can only come from within you and you must be willing to take the steps to achieve the results you want. In the end, you will be stronger and better for it.